The thoughts are coming faster than I can organize them or most likely type them with any accuracy and correctness of grammar, but here goes. And these are in no particular order. Just some random thoughts.
I wonder if there is a documented phenomenon of helper resentment. I've noticed that more than a few individuals to whom I have gone out of my way, in my certainly less than affluent state, to offer assistance in their times of need, by way of finances, shelter, comfort, concilation, advice,etc have, not only vanished, but seem to have made an extra effort to cease all communications. I'm too closely attached to the whole down trodden thing to have come across as patronizing in any of these cases. My guess is that the helper is associated with a phase in those persons' lives that they've chosen to block out, or just aren't comfortable revisiting. The fact that I'm writing this made be ask myself if perhaps I had some subconscious ulterior motive for helping that has repeatedly gone unfulfilled due to an almost perfect record of responses that not only excluded almost any measure of gratitude, but seemed to be accompanied with a dash of "in your face" hmmph "i'm fine now...don't need you anymore!"
My soul searching lead me to conclude that what I want from my generosity is to know that the indiviuals are really okay. So I would have to say that because of the responses I've gotten, I've become a little "gun shy" when it comes to offering to help friends or acquaintences who are in trouble. It seems to be a formula for those persons decending from friend to acquaintence or from acquaintence to invisible. Another guess is that the helper is perceived as being in debt collection mode! Since this soliloquy is hardly going to be discussed, and unlikely to be responded to, if read, suffice it to say that I know when to stop expecting to be reimbursed. Nevertheless, I have experienced this connection between helping and having the helpee drift away. I wonder if others have encountered this. I assume that they have. I would really like to hear their theories about why this anti-helper phenomenon exists.
(Aside: I should be doing a report for work instead of writing this blog entry! )
Actually, that's it for this entry. I was going to stir in some other totally unrelated topic, but I decided that that would change the suitable audience rating too dramatically. So I'll just give anyone who's still reading a limited plug for my next blog. I think it's going to be entitled "Self Intervention" -sometimes no one else can intervene.
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Oh this is sick huh? Commenting on my own post! LOL. Well at least I have SOMEBODY to talk to. I responded to a friend's text message with what turned out to be a prelude to this topic. His response was to ask me what they [the helpees] had done to me. So I thought I should clear this up. I am not blaming these people,I don't hate them. I don't resent them. I don't need to forgive them, because I honestly haven't sold myself on the idea that their behavior was conscious, intentional, and/or malicious. I think they were just being the way that particular brand of personality is. They are not bad people in my eyes. And [bracing myself for browbeating from anyone who reads this]I'm still quite fond of my perception of who those people are. It can only be my perception though, because, as I've indicated in the post, I barely have communication with some and have no communication at all with some others.
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