I have to admit that once again I'm not a hundred percent clear on where I'm going with a blog that I've started. Well in this particular case, I have a good idea of where I want to go, but not so clear about how I want to get there. This is touchy...hmm.
Well here goes.
Self intervention: Sometimes you're the only one who can do an intervention in your life. I suspect that this circumstance would probably be more familiar among other loners. Bottom line is that when there's something wrong with a loner, there's usually no one close enough to detect that there's a problem. So the most logical productive response is to unilaterally find a way to fix what's broken. Pity wallowing and misplaced resentment are the less productive and more immature responses. Well writing "out loud" is my way of trying to get a handle on my predicament. And I'm trying to get a read on the look on God's face, being fully aware of what I'm about to write and how badly I'm going to get the point accross ( presumably to myself).
Where does an HIV positive Christian man who is attracted to other men go to share his thoughts. I hope that anyone who reads this is not expecting to find answers. I have an abundance of black holes, that would be questions, if they were even asked. I don't have answers when it comes to this. And mostly I've left questions unasked.
Churches, very much out of necessity, are gradually beginning to breach the HIV issue. Most likely due to the indiscriminating nature of the disease, consolation, is available to the infected and affected.
With regard to homosexuality the stance of Christianity is not the same. After all, only your body's doomed by the virus. Homosexuality dooms the soul. (Come on readers, playing devil's advocate here! Kind of!) Why doomed, my "fellow" Christians might ask. Well heterosexuals might find it easier to understand using an analogy like this. Homosexuality is not a virus that can be treated. It's not a bacterial infection that can be eliminated. Psychotropic pharmaceuticals don't do the trick. And apparently vows of celibacy, prayer, and fasting don't quite hit the mark either. My theory is that the proper therapy would be essentially to find a way to undo the DNA of homosexuals. It was pointed out in a recent sermon, that the Kingdom of God is not a democracy, but a theocracy. That actually brought some consolation. You see at least that eliminates the pressure of needing a consensus of the saints to justify my condition of being. And if it's compliance with the will of God, despite that compliance requiring the rewiring of my psyche, subconsciousness, dreams, instincts, reflexes, and aspirations, I would have to say that that's not completely impossible. Being ex-military, I'm familiar with the formula. Just follow orders. Being Christian I'm familiar with the indebtedness to the King and the gratitude of having a choice. But the conundrum persists. I told you that I didn't have answers.
I'm feeling a certain kinship with persons sitting on death row. The main difference being my ability to choose the location of my "holding cell".
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Jus-
Man you are so dead on with this post it literally took my breath away for a second. I being 1.)a loner and 2.)HIV positive have gone down this road many many many times before. Realizing that there is a problem within is truely the halfway mark of solving the problem. You know yourself better then anyone else. Advice from "friends" and "loved ones" can often be one sided or not totally on the mark. Although their intentions may be good their perception of understanding and empathy can be a little to the left. Does that make sense?
Post a Comment